The Secret (and Very Funny) Side of the Russian Language
By Ilkay Makhotina
The Russian language is often considered to be one of the most beautiful languages in the world. It being my native tongue, I would have to agree. After all, it gave us “The world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness…” by Tolstoy in War and Peace – or “Am I a trembling creature or do I have the right?” from Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment. But Russian as a language is quite versatile. While undeniably rich and vivid, what I love most about it is actually how funny and adorable it can be.
I often find myself laughing at Russian expressions I hear and use. Whether that be for their wit, irony, or seeming absurdity, I always wish I could repeat them while speaking English. So, I’d like to share some of my favorite Russian sayings, because although Tolstoy and Dostoevsky were (likely) not using most of these, I think we can all delight in dipping into the wordpool of this Cyrillic powerhouse.
Perhaps short and sweet is a good place to start. None other comes to mind than the Russian expression which, quite literally, consists of ‘Yes no’. This expression (да нет, pronounced da net) is used as a negation, and in fact the ‘yes’ is not meant as a statement of agreement, but rather as a passing word, similar to ‘well’. The proper translation would therefore be something along the lines of ‘well, no’ or ‘not really’, but hearing Yes No (with no pause in between) never fails to make me giggle. Something about the curt contradiction, or maybe the simplicity of it all, reminds one of Shakespeare’s ‘To be or not to be’, wouldn’t you say?
Another favorite of mine is the Russian expression for ‘shoot!’ or ‘darn’. The word for it is actually… ‘pancake’! Pronounced bleen (блин) when stated on its own or without any context indicative of breakfast foods, it can be used to express mild shock or disappointment. On the topic of food, a quirky little number is ‘hanging noodles over the ears’, (вешать лапшу на уши – veshat lapshoo na ooshi) which means to deceive someone by telling lies or misdirection! One might wonder why many Russian idioms are centered around food, but it may have to do with linguist Sophia Lubensky’s theory on the concepts that make up the core of the Russian language: God, food, and soul!
There are of course, expressions longer than one or two words. ‘The morning is wiser than the evening’ (утро вечера мудренее – utro vechera moodreneye) is found in lots of Russian fairytales and is often spoken by the wise elderly characters. The phrase refers to the idea that a good night’s sleep is going to render a problem or situation clearer when you wake up. Pictured, for example, is a staple of Russian folk tales: the story of Ivan Tsarevich and the Grey Wolf, in which the wise Wolf comforts the young Ivan on his daring and heroic adventures, at times by reminding him to sleep and have a think about his next steps in the morning. (Meanwhile the morning often tells me that drinking so much the night before is never a good idea…) While very similar to its English parallel ‘sleep on it,’ one has to note how lovely and apt the epithets of ‘wise’ and ‘knowledgeable’ apply to the morning. Especially, perhaps, the morning of a hangover.
While most of the above are used commonly in Russian speech, there are the occasional expressions brought up to convey very particular moments. One such priceless saying in my opinion is, fair warning, on the more vulgar side: ‘To piss boiling water’ or, and you didn’t hear this from me, pisat kypatkom. To be ‘pissing boiling water’ in Russian means to be in a state of experiencing extreme emotion, usually excitement, but worry and fidgetiness can be implied as well depending on the context. Vivid, right? Without delving too much into the details of the imagery, I find this expression incredibly funny, but also oddly teetering on realism. That is to say, the intensity of each word in this expression is integral to its delivery; one does not simply ‘release’ ‘warm’ water, and if they do, they are surely not all that excited, and all meaning is lost. (For a less vulgar alternative of expressing excitement, one might be ‘jumping out of one’s pants’ or vyprigivat is shtanov instead).
Equally as vivid but significantly less indecent is one of my personal favorites, ‘my heart overflows with blood’ (сердце кровью обливается – serdtze kroviu oblivaetcya). It is used to express melancholic heartbreak or heartache. I actually learned this phrase from my mom when I overheard her speaking it to my cat, as he pleaded for more food for the nth time that day. Whatever else could you say to this angelic being? To my cat’s great disappointment, this phrase can also be employed with a hint of irony. And so, while my heart does overflow while looking at my kitty’s great pouty eyes and sorrowful cries for a snack, the touching (yet sometimes sarcastic) idiom is often the only thing I can give him in response.
Speaking of cats, possibly Russia’s most beloved animal (and not bears, wondrously), another one I love is ‘a cat wept’ or ‘a cat cried’ (кот наплакал – kot naplakal). Cats are not known to weep, not with real tears at least, so this saying is used to express something of utter rarity or scarcity, just like what my cat must think of the food we feed him (pictured: the cat in question very much not weeping).
‘Neither down nor feathers!’ (ни пухa ни пера - ni puha ni pera) is an expression I often hear my Russian grandparents use and one that I love for what it represents, but admittedly, the meaning is a bit tricky. The ‘down’ is the fluffiest underside of birds’ feathers, and interestingly, it is supposed that the saying originated in reference to speaking to a hunter. The idea is that one wishes the hunter an unsuccessful trip, hence a return with a yield of ‘neither down nor feathers’ from the bird hunt. Wishing luck is superstitious in many cultures, which is reflected for instance in the English parallel to this, ‘break a leg.’ It is a wonder what languages say in what they don’t say. In return to somebody wishing you (bad) luck in this way, it is common tradition to respond, ‘to the devil!’ (к черту! - k chertu!). I’m quite fond of the break a leg trope in English, and I certainly appreciate Russian taking that spirit just one step further and invoking the devil as a means of wishing luck.
A still from the Soviet stop motion film ‘Devil Number 13’ – devils are often portrayed humorously in Russian culture.
To end on a short and sweet note, one of the most adorable expressions, albeit with hints of mockery, is one used to poke fun of two lovers in display of their affection. That is none other than ‘love-carrot!’ (любовь-морковь). The carrot carries no meaning other than its rhyme with the word for love (lubov being love and morkov carrot), but over the years it somehow stuck, and oddly enough, it works.
The Russian language has produced some of the greatest written works of our time, and offers an incredibly rich glossary for expression, description, and of course philosophical and political oration. To the common Russian speaker however, Russian offers banter, at times quirk, and a cheery means of expressing good spirit.
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