To Say...

by Samantha Insall

As I walk through the sand

I feel you

Drifting along beside me,

The wind between my fingers,

Squeezing my hands,

And causing this feeling to ball up,

Slide slowly down my cheek,

And slip into the space you fail to fill.

You know that I… I…

I want to say it.

I want to kiss you.

I know I can’t,

And instead I stumble

Down the pier

And kiss my cold knees:

My sobbing swallowed by the sea.

Overwhelmed by what I wanted,

What I once tasted,

Before being spat across the floor

And scattered towards the sea,

I find myself again

In your room, in your arms

With these words, these feelings

Slipping through every strand

Of hair, every fold of skin;

Sinking back within and skittering

To the tip of my tongue

Where they stop.

I won’t spit it out

And you know it.

Oh god, you know what I so

Want to say.

I can see you want it.

You want to reach out and

Catch it

As it balls up below my chin,

Drips to the ground,

Seeps through the carpet,

And soaks towards the sea.

Stop being afraid.

Slip your tongue in my mouth

And taste

This stabbing feeling.

Step into the sea with me.

Be smashed into the shore with me

And let the rocks bash me up with

You. Mashed into a bloody pulp.

Let us become red stained sea foam

And let us swallow tears

From pretty faces

Who were too afraid

To say…    

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